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Random shit by Shough: Alex, apparently you wrote something so hilariously insane/twisted (slight exageration) that you didn't know whether to post it or not, well this is my most hilariously insane/twisted thing. I wrote it a long time ago, and I didn't even get to the actual plot in it, and it's so so terrible...thus amusing! So here it is:

Chapter 1: A Struggle

Give me your lunch money you idiot! Shouted resident school bully Dean Jones, the words resonating around the dirtied walls of the school toilets. ‘But I bring pack lunch DJ’ I argued back using his nickname hoping to buy myself some time, knowing he would see through my white lie like the hole he drilled through to the girls toilets last term. My name is Adam Easter, and today is like every other day a struggle. The school bell started ringing, I’m saved I thought, a wry smile almost crossing my face. ‘You got lucky this time Adam, I’ll get you tomorrow you can be sure of that’. DJ had been the schools bully since day one, he established himself only hours after school had started on his induction day by flushing the contents of Sarah Jameson’s school bag down the boys toilets. People did fear him, but they also shared some kind of misguided sympathy for him too as he lost both of his parents when he was only 7, they had died in a car crash, their car had collided with an oncoming lorry of which the driver had fallen asleep at the wheel, supposedly over-tired from doing a double shift his grand parents had looked after him ever since, which due to his abusive nature was predictably a constant struggle.
I gathered my things off the damp floor, a maths and science book, my pencil case and my pocket flashlight which I only brought in to school with me to shine in the eyes of my friends when they annoyed me, I threw them in my bag and swung it over my shoulder looking into the mirror as I left why did Dean have to single me out today?
Adam hurriedly made his way through the narrow corridor of the school, passing prints of paintings that would barely pass as art, he knew he was already late for maths with teacher David Stevens but at least he had a valid reason, however when he got outside the classroom and peered through the class in the top of the old wooden door he saw Dean standing at the front of the class with his teacher Mr Stevens, Adam took a lung full of air braced himself and pushed the door and entered. ‘How nice of you to join us Adam’, Mr Stevens said mockingly ‘I was just informing your classmates, who incidentally did bother to arrive on time today, that Dean is joining our maths group, he wasn’t getting on well with those in his previous class’ Yeah, he probably beat them all to a pulp. ‘Now, sit down both of you’ There were but two seats left, next to each other I looked across at “DJ” he grinned, he could sense my fear in my eyes as I gulped and sat down next to him. Dean, despite the hulk of a giant that he was, was the same age as me 16 but he could easily pass as 21 I’ve known him since I was 5 ironically we actually got along well then as I remember, but I doubt that counts for much now, when he was just 13 his friends dared him to buy a Lotto ticket, which he did and got away with it, that in itself pretty much established him in the “in-gang” I felt a short sharp stab in my left side, I looked up and gave a sigh of release.

Chapter 2: Ashley

My eyes were now gazed upon Ashley Simmons, she had beautiful Emerald green eyes ‘hey you’ she said playfully, ‘your late’ Ashley was my best friend, we lived two houses down from each other on Beaches Close, I often wonder if we are best friends by default and nothing more, but then something will happen and we will just click and I will be reminded of why she’s with me and not someone else. ‘I was in the boys toilets I whispered to her’ ‘Ewww, you didn’t have to tell me that’ she joked, ‘Ha ha Ash, Dean was trying to get my lunch money off me’ ‘Your really going to have to stand up for yourself one day you know’ Suddenly something hit me on my arm, it wasn’t Dean either, it was a piece of chalk ‘Is there anything you and Ashley would like to share with the class?’ ‘No sir’ I stammered, ‘Well then, would you like to come up to the front of the class and demonstrate how you would solve this equation?’ I hated algebra I thought to myself, now I hate Mr Stevens I slowly got up out of my chair and walked to the front of the class my face turning slightly red is it me or is it hot in here? I looked at the equation on the blackboard in disbelief. I didn’t have a clue. I took the piece of chalk and held it in my hand until the sweat surrounded it through my own nervousness, I finally got the courage and raised the chalk to the board and drew a giant question mark and turned around to see the reactions of my classmates, Ashley had a hand over her face trying not to laugh but I totally blanked everyone else as Mr Stevens was suddenly breathing down my neck ‘Your feeble attempts at humour fail you as much as your algebra skills Adam, now sit down, you obviously haven’t been paying attention today this is unlike you’ his dark hazel eyes burning a hole right through me. He was right though. I’m normally the one he praises in his lessons, even though mathematics is probably my weakest subject I guess I’m what Dean and his gang of followers would call a nerd. Then I noticed Robert Smith signal me from the other side of the class.

Chapter 3: The Note

Robert Smith was one of my close friends, however if we didn’t go to the same school as each other and share so many of the same classes I think it’s unlikely we would make the effort to see each other, still we had a lot in common and I knew I couldn’t just be friends with a girl. Robert waved across at me again; Mr Stevens had his back turned to the class as he continued to teach the class on the blackboard. I took my flashlight out of my school bag and quickly shone at Rob as a gesture to let him know he had my attention although in hindsight I could have just waved back, then he through a piece of paper at me, it landed on the desk in front of me. It was from his maths book and it had been scrunched up into a ball so not to disclose its contents. ‘What do we have here?’ Dean Jones said Damn ‘it’s a note from your boyfriend Adam’ DJ said as his best friend and bullying partner Marcus Lucas burst into laughter ‘Does my teaching method amuse you Lucas?’ Mr Stevens quipped without turning around to luck at the class. I quickly took the note off Dean and was thankful he didn’t bother reading it, I wondered to myself what was so important that couldn’t wait till after class. I unfolded the note and read it to myself making sure nobody else could read it. In poorly written handwriting which probably resembled that of an ape in a zoo who had been given a biro for fun it said IN THE LAST 3 WEEKS 4 PUPILS HAVE GONE MISSING, IF YOU WANT TO HELP, MEET ME IN THE LIBRARY AT LUNCH TIME. I figured this was Rob’s idea of a practical joke, probably something he thought up last night when he should have been sleeping, but I didn’t have any plans for lunch and I knew I had to stay out of the way of Dean and he never once set foot in the library, so I decided I would go along with it for now. I folded up the paper and slipped it inside my maths book and attempted to concentrate on maths.

...That's it! Hilariously the next chapter was going to be called "Chapter 4: Professor Smith, In The Library With A Candlestick" Which I thought was highly amusing...about ten years ago anyway!